I miss you so much, the days are getting harder and harder without you...
I shall always love and miss you :(

My dear love,
I'm sorry that I overwhelm you.

You say,
"I can't right now - I need space."

I should be okay with that right?
But why is it so hard for me? I don't understand it either.

Sometimes, I feel so alone with my thoughts and feelings.

Sometimes, I get so overwhelmed that I attack you.

I know it's wrong. Yet, behind my attack is my hope that you'll rescue me from drowning in my anxiety.

Truth is...
I am scared

I'm scared that I'm not enough for you.

I'm scared that when you get to know the real me, you'll run away

I'm scared that l'll end up pushing you away, when what I really want is for you to stay.
I know that my reactions overwhelm you.
Of course it would, how could you understand something that you aren't familiar with?

So, I have a favor to ask:
Can you imagine something for a moment?

Can you imagine the possibility...
...that I overreact to small things, not to be dramatic, but because I am scared that our connection is in danger?

...that I poke and probe you, not to hurt you, but because I am scared that your quietness means I've lost you, and I'm desperately trying to get ANY reaction from you?

I am not asking you to be okay with how I respond.

Or to sacrifice your needs to meet mine.

I can see how difficult it is for you. I can also see the changes that I need and WANT to make.

But could I ask for your understanding?

And maybe, could I ask you to...

...reach over and hold my hand as you ask for a time-out?

...tell me that I am still important to you as you ask for us to take a break from the conflict?

...kiss me on the forehead before you walk away?

...tell me when we can reconnect again after taking some time apart?

Because deep down, all I want to know is that you love me and that we are okay.

I don't want us to fight.

I want us to understand our relationship more.

But I can't do it alone.

Can we step out of our individual boats and into the same one?

Because we can tackle problems together, as a team.

We can steer the boat together, side by side, towards understanding and love.

I hope we can choose to do this together.

With love,
You Anxious Kevin

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